if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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