I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
