I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
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