Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
