theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
