3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
