How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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