she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
