I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize