My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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