you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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