even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
