I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize