I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
