when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
