and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
