There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
