Got a toothbrush?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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