I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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