I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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