the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize