Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
