i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
