what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
