We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
