I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if only i could text you this smell
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
