So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
