Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
