my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
