I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just google imaged poop.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
