I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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