last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
