Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
