Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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