don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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