Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
