You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
