whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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