Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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