can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
