he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize