I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
