If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
