I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize