I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
