Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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