omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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