I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize