It's like God shit irony all over that family
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
