You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
