My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
