Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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