I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
