I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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