So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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