Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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