just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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