The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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