Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
