idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize