A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
