I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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