sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
