hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
