Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
