I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We are all done wearing pants today
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