he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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