the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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