if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
