both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
