He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
