my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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