Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
