guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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