Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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