'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
