why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
