Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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