I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
