life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
