You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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