Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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