my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
