i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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