what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
