How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to calm my uterus...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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