Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
