the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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