pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
