The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
