found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everclear isn't food dammit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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