she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
