Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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