maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
