Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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