but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
