Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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