So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
