We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
