Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We have so much sex to catch up on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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