I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
