Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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