She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
