the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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